So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
