my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
