i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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