All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
