Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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