You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
