I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
