Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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