i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
