You work out of a Hotel?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
