Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
