so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I want a musical about memes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize