Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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