It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
