You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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