I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
