i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just crazy horny about you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize