My first STD was from a foam party
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
