Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
