worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
