While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize