and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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