If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
