I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
