Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
