I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize