I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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