Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
