No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
