my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
