i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
