he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
