No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize