i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
