Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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