Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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