Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
