I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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