As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently you make a good broom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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