i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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