Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
