Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
