Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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