im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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