Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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