You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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