I skipped work to stalk him.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
