Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
