will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
