It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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