Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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