Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
