he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
