i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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