She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
