I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
