I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
