Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
