I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
