he was CRYING into my vagina
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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