how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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