I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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