Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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