So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
