You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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