Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
