hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
