actually, I'm a sock model
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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