It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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