i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
