we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
