i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
