I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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