can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
