I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
