It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
