he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
