My nipple is on Facebook.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
