I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
