dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
