If that was your dad, he is hot
My hand turned me down
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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