every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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