I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's always time for handjobs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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