Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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