There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
