yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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