i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
