Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
