who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
