He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
