I'm gonna have a badass scar
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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