So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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