I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
