Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
