If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
