Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize