He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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