never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
